Boys: You're Crazy Too

Fellas, answer this for me: why do you think that every time you’re hooking up with a girl, she wants something more? Not everyone wants to be in a relationship with you….kapeesh? I mean really though, self centered much? Girls need ass too. It seems as if you’re hooking up with a guy for more than a month, they start to think you’re hoping it turns into something. Well guys, you’re wrong. And to be perfectly honest, it’s a little creepy when you randomly send the whole “this is too much, I’m not looking for anything right now” text. Because welp, you were the only one whose head was even in that ball park. And if a girl ever said that, she would somehow be a psycho crazy lady. Doesn’t make sense. I’ll give it to you, a lot of girls are out on the prowl for a relationship and will lock down anything they can get, but that’s not the case for all of them. And not to be a bitch, but I think you should kind of get the point a relationship is not on the mind when a girl is only texting you on her walk home from the bars…just a thought, maybe? Yes, we know how to booty call too.

                I don’t know if guys are just super cocky or really dumb, but the majority of them seem to always think a girl has feelings for them. Well sorry bro, but don’t flatter yourself. I understand if a girl texts you all day every day how you could think she’s a stage 5 clinger, but if it’s just a constant late night hang out, then most likely it doesn’t mean much more than that to her either. You’re not that tight, sorry to say, so be easy with that thought. If you’re just over hooking up with the chick, then that’s cool, but the whole assumption of thinking girls always want a relationship is a liiiitttlllllee weird. And besides, even if a girl does text you every now and then during the day or wants to hang out other than after the bars, it is 2011; did you ever think that maybe your just a cool guy to hang out with, without her having feelings for you? It’s very possible for girls and guys to be friends and still not need a relationship. My best friend is a guy, love him more than anything, I don’t get why people think it’s so hard.

                But what apparently is hard once you’re in a relationship with a guy, keeping your privacy. Is it really necessary to snoop through someone’s text messages while they’re in the shower? Or creep all over your girlfriends Facebook to see who they're hanging out with? There is no need to peer over my shoulder as I'm texting, you can ask, I’ll tell you who it is. I dated a crazy guy in college who was the biggest snoop I've ever met in my life. One time I was in the bathroom getting ready for work and he went through my phone (which had a password by the way, so he's that lame that he figured out my password) and saw a text from a guy friend. He came storming in the bathroom, threw my phone down on the floor and said, “Who the fuck is this?!!” Well sir, if you would have calmly walked into the bathroom and said “hey, this is kind of weird, who is this?” I would have obviously still thought he was a nut job for going through my phone in the first place, but then I would have explained that he's just one of my guy friends.

                Guys get snoopy with their questions too. Every time you pass a guy on the street and say hi to them it’s like “ohh what did you hook up with him?” Are you asking that because I said hello with a smile? Uh, okay wacko. But then of course if you did hook up with them, and you’re like “uh yeah, I did. What’s your point?” they freak out and won’t talk to you for 10 minutes. WELL YA KNOW WHAT PEOPLE….DONT ASK QUESTIONS YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO! Jesus. I mean my god. You ask such stupid questions and then throw a temper tantrum over the response. My ex would ask me that so often that I finally just started saying yes to everyone to piss him off. There’s also the pesky where are you? Who are you with? What are you wearing? Are you drinking? Um okay Dad, chill out. Didn’t realize I was dating Sherlock Holmes. You guys need to quit being so nosey all the time. If someone's going to cheat on you or do something inappropriate, they obviously aren’t going to give the scoop beforehand anyways. So just stop being naggy all the time, it’s really just obnoxious.

                I feel like a lot problems stem from things like Facebook (thanks a lot Zuckerberg). People in relationships are looking at their boyfriend or girlfriends wall to see who wrote on it, what they said, if there’s something there that the other person didn’t tell them, looking at pictures. It’s creepy. And that reminds me, it’s also extremely weird when people write all over their boyfriend or girlfriends wall. “I love you!” or “today was so much fun can’t wait to see you again!” It’s like, dude, we all know you talk every five seconds anyway; you were actually probably texting when you wrote that. Wouldn’t it make a lot more sense to just tell them that over the phone? I mean, personally, it would mean a bit more to me if someone said they love me or miss me when I can hear their voice. Seeing it on the internet is just a little odd. A relationship should be between two people, it doesn’t need to be plastered all over Facebook for the rest of the world to deliberate on. It just kind of comes across that your super insecure and need to make sure that everyone knows their taken…I'm just saying, something to think about.  

                Moral of the story; boys, get over yourselves.

Single and Confident

          It makes me really sad to hear people say that they are depressed to be single. As if it means there is something wrong with them just because they aren’t in a relationship. As I said in my intro, our society has managed to paint the image that the path of life is to end up married with a family. As I do respect traditions, times have changed. Women are becoming more independent; guys are becoming bigger douche bags; and marriage is apparently a complete scam, considering it somehow doesn’t apply to everyone in the country.  When our parents were younger, marriage seemed to be something that happened quite young, and then it sort of moved to a higher age, but today I have found people tying the knot at what should be the beginning of their youth. It really is sad to me. It almost seems as if marriage has become a fad. If not for that, then it usually relates to these girls thinking “times up” and he seems like he’s the right one at this time. (Yeah yeah, I’m sure some of you will say “omg no way, he was the one!” oh was he? I didn’t know you dated everyone in the world, that’s fascinating, congratulations).

                I know too many girls today who seem to live their lives on a timeline. That’s right, a timeline. “Well I want to be a young mom, so I want to have kids when I’m 29, which means married around 27, but I want to have known my husband for at least 3 years before we get married, so that means I need to start looking now.” WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY? People are so scared of being “alone” in their 30’s that they settle for what seems “right” in their life at that moment. The question I want answered is: what does alone mean to you people?

                Unfortunately for many women, and some men, they think being alone means they somehow didn’t amount to be good enough for someone. Personally, I take pride in being “alone.” Just try this for me: look at it from a different angle. Instead of thinking you’re alone because no one wants you; try thinking you’re on your own because no one has yet to deserve you. I know I have a lot to offer someone. And when I meet someone who I feel has proven that they can match me and deserve me; my heart is theirs. People need to stop feeling so sorry for themselves. Flip the glass over, look at things with a positive attitude. The ball is always in your court if you take the control. You are the only person who can have power over your feelings. You like a guy who isn’t giving you attention, don’t sit around and have a pity party. Tell yourself that he was a shmuck anyway and realize that there are millions of people in this world.

                Girls today give guys too much control. No one approached you at the bar, so you hit the gym; he didn’t call, you think there is something wrong with you. (Think about that, he didn’t do something so that’s turned around into there being something wrong with you? No, not gonna fly. That’s all him.) Not to mention, if he didn’t call, he’s probably not interested, or here’s a crazy thought for you, he’s actually busy….weird! So stop embarrassing yourself and just keep moving. Not everything we do should be directed towards attracting someone. A huge problem with all of this is simply that people aren’t confident enough on their own. I’ve seen way too many strugglers with self esteem issues and it’s really sad. The majority of people today are spending most of their time comparing themselves with other people.

                Go to the gym because it’s healthy and will make you feel better, not so people will date you. Get extra pretty for dinner because you know you’re beautiful, not because you need other people to see it. Work extra hard to get to the top in your career. Why? Because you deserve it and you’re the only person who can get you there. How are we supposed to expect people to want us if we wouldn’t want ourselves? Become independent, strong, driven, and successful. You’ll find that things will eventually fall into your lap. I’m not saying I’m 100% confident in myself and I think I’m perfect, however, I’m confident enough to say I don’t need a guy to make me happy. A relationship shouldn’t be about depending on the other person. It should be about each bringing something to the table and contributing aspects that the other person doesn’t have (but I’ll get to that problem later). Confidence in a woman makes her much sexier than some mopey complainer. So you’re not Adrirana Lima, who is (well, besides her). Get over it. You have something to offer this world that no one else has.

See it; Own it; Work it.

The Exes

          This is the kind of topic where everyone’s going to think the situation is circumstantial. And alright, maybe 1 out of 50 times, it might be. But really hear me out on this, I think you’ll come to find that taking my advice will be a lot easier than the path you’ve been on.

          “The Hatred of the Ex” can relate to two different spectrums; you decide you have to hate all the exes of your partner, or, you have deemed it necessary you have to dislike the new person your ex is dating. For all of you that know me well, you know I have a lot of experience of being “the hated girl” and I’m not just writing this to justify why I think that’s stupid, I’m writing because it’s a waste of energy for all of you to keep living your lives like this. Let me give you a PERFECT example of how stupid it is to hate the new person your ex is dating. I’m going to take you back to high school, many of you will know this story, but for the sake of being polite….names will be changed. I had a boyfriend in the beginning of high school; we’ll call him “Steve.” Steve was hands down the love of my life. He meant everything to me. Not only was he my first real boyfriend, but he was also the person I lost my virginity to, and the first person I ever loved (I know right? It’s weird, but I actually have loved). Steve and I dated for a little over a year, and we broke up a slightly into his senior year. It was rough, no break up is every easy, let alone your first. I was heartbroken (many like to think this is how I got my bitter soul). But little did I know, the worst had yet to come.

                Steve started dating a new girl; we’ll call her “Betty.” A girl his age, that his friends were all friends with and that was over-all well liked by a lot of people. I, being the immature high schooler I was at the time, flipped the F out. I HATED Betty. When I say I was mean, it’s an understatement. Now that I look back at it, it’s very embarrassing the way I acted. And it wasn’t just behind her back, I was mean to her face. See, the key ingredient to this whole mixture is that Betty was friends with my sister. There wasn’t really any avoiding Betty, she was always there. It was hard, trust me, people, I get it. Having to hang around the girlfriend of the person you loved. I’m not saying it’s easy, but, I can tell you that currently being on the complete other side with Betty now, it’s much easier.

                Over the years, Betty and I slowly tried to be cordial with one another. The random hellos, quick conversations, actually becoming Facebook friends (woah…).Little did I know, she would become one of my closest friends. Ya see, what most people don’t sit down and realize is the common factor between “the old girl” and “the new girl.” Did you ever stop to think, hey, we really liked and both put up with the same guy for a really long time? Well, if you do take a step back and look at it that way, you’ll come to find that you and this new girl (and the same goes for new girls hating all the exes, which by the way, that’s just weird, but I’ll get to that in a sec) probably could get along great. Luckily for me, I did realize that, and I now have a friendship that will last a lifetime. What’s sad to me is that I was hating this girl, who I did not even know, for no reason. Because she liked the same guy as me? ERR wrong. I’m sorry, but that’s a terrible excuse. And not only that, but our friendship that we have now (love you girl), could have started so long ago.

I know that it’s hard to understand that thought while you’re in the middle of being heartbroken, but people, what you need to realize is that not everyone is meant to be together.  Relationships come and go. That’s the beauty of them. You’re bored and tired of one, boom, guess what? You get to trade it in for a new one! You can’t expect everyone to be alone after you. And most of the time, the new girl is someone you don’t even know. Now, doesn’t it seem a bit silly to hate someone you don’t even know? If all you ladies out there could grow some balls for a second and admit that your just, I know I know, this is going be tough, JEALOUS of that girl, then you would look a lot less crazy. Boom, easy. Truckin' right along.

Now, on to something that I really, I mean really, just don’t understand. This one really just baffles me. Can someone please tell me how, in any way, shape, or form, it is normal to hate all the previous exes of a guy/girl you’re dating? I mean really though, you’re talking about disliking people who just happened to meet your partner before you.  What? I mean honestly people. That’s just bat shit crazy. And not only that, but it causes so many unnecessary arguments inside your relationship. Especially since you’re talking about disliking people that were in your partners life, before they even knew you existed!!

I have an ex, who like most of my exes, have remained extremely good friends with. We’ve had our ups and downs, but for the most part, we have been very close for over 5 years. Of course, since every girl in the world seems to be wack as hell, all of the girls he dated after me would try and prevent him from talking to me. That’s correct, you read that right. They would actually try and tell him that he couldn’t talk to me. Was I pursuing him and trying to get back together? No. Did we still have feelings for each other? No. We genuinely were just friends. I’m sorry, but can you say insecure? People break up for a reason. If we wanted to be together, we would be. Maybe that’s the problem with today. People need to have more faith in their relationships. If you’re so worried that your boyfriend/girlfriend is going to up and leave you for someone, then maybe you should reevaluate your situation. Just a thought.

Intro

Everyone has a different opinion on relationships. How and when they should begin; and how and if they should end. But what’s most important is everything in between. While there are a few special couples out there that don’t manage to bug everyone around them, the fact of the matter is, the majority of couples today are plain and simply annoying as shit. No one wants to be stuck next to the pair who’s still in the honeymoon stage (that’s right, it does exist). From the pet names, to the constant texting, to the PDA…people, it’s annoying. Even after that stage, a lot of people tend to leave out one key ingredient in a relationship, balance. And no you self absorbed brats, I don’t mean balance between you and your partner, I’m talking about balance between your relationship and everything else that was once your life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti relationships. When one is healthy, it can be a fun and beautiful thing. It just seems as though couples today have lost sight of what it’s supposed to be about. For example, fights. I know couples that argue about EVERYTHING. Why didn’t you call me the exact second you said you were going to? Who the hell just wrote on your wall? (Facebook in a relationship…that’s a whole topic right there). DID YOU JUST LOOK AT HER ASS?!? People, how is someone supposed to know when something is actually a big deal if you get mad at everything? Here’s a real life example for you; my father never gets mad at me, so when he actually brings something up that bothers him, I know it’s serious. On the flip side, my mother (love you mom, you’re the best) gets mad much more frequently, so I don’t always understand the level of significance of her point. Pick and choose your battles people; isn’t a relationship supposed to be about love and happiness anyways?

I, being the generous person I am, have decided that I will share some thoughts about different topics relating to relationships, and my advice to you on how to deal with them. Some of you may want to call this advice my opinion, but let me tell you, my opinion is normally the truth. I may only be 22, but I like to think I have a pretty good outlook on relationships. I don’t want anyone to think I’m trying to say you should end your relationship or all relationships are terrible, I just hope you take my words into consideration on maybe, a way to better it. Everything in life can always be improved, and sometimes people get so wrapped up, they forget to take a step back and evaluate things. You may think I’m just a bitter single girl who’s jealous of everyone in a relationship…well, don’t flatter yourself, not everyone wants to be you, I’m single by choice.

Some of you may ask, how can I possibly think I’ve seen it all when I’m so young? Well, anyone who knows me at all knows that I started my path with relationships back in kindergarten. I never went through the “coodie” phase. Straight from the womb, I had a knack for the lads, I probably even gave the doctor a little baby wink. Through-out my wonderful youth, I have experienced almost every type of relationship one can endure. From love at first sight, all the way down to the terrible cheat every weekend. You name it, I’ve seen it. If I haven’t personally been involved, I’ve seen it go down. I have grown up with two parents that are hands down the best couple known to mankind, and I have single handedly experienced the worst relationship I could imagine. Beautiful, normal relationships do exist, but apparently people need some help understanding what that means. There is a difference between a relationship, and a healthy relationship. And sadly, I know way too many people in dysfunctional relationships. There is also the sad fact that people think the whole purpose in life is to eventually end up married, well, times have changed. And it doesn’t make you pathetic if your single and no one should be living their life on a time line. Take what I say with a grain of salt if you may, but I know for a fact, there are a lot of you out there that would be better off if you toned the crazy down.