Short and sweet. Here’s my list of don’ts when it comes to relationships.
DON’T: Spend every day, night, or weekend together; give each other your own damn space. Talk to each other like your five years old; in public, at least, have respect for people around you, because we don’t want to hear that shit. Have your friends write text messages for you when you’re trying to get someone to like you; if you want someone to like you, then you sorrrtaa need to do all that yourself. Write all over each other’s walls; we get it, you’re in a relationship. Make out in public; I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but it’s just uncomfortable for everyone around you. Break up and get back together every month and make people listen to your bullshit reasons; if it’s going to be a habit, do what you will, but keep the annoyance between the two of you, this isn’t a three way relationship. Snoop through phones, emails, or Facebooks; not only do you look crazy, but you’re going to get yourself worked up over things that don’t matter. Speaking of; freak out when they become friends with someone of the opposite sex; it doesn’t mean they're hooking up, it’s just Facebook god damn it. Repeat dial; they got the other 10 calls, not answering for a reason. Smother; you’re only going to piss me off. “Coincidentally” be at the same bar as them; it’s not a coincidence when you stalked to figure out where they were going to be. Talk about your bedroom habits in front of your friends; no one cares. Lose sight of who you are; if you have to change to be with someone, then they probably aren’t the person you should be with. Tell your partner they can’t be friends with someone anymore. Get into the “let’s just watch a movie” rut; go on trips, go out with your friends, do anything social! Lie; the truth always comes out (trust me). Read into things; ask, don’t assume. Get into a fight just because they didn’t call you; there are reasons for these things, people do have other matters going on in their lives besides you. Talk every five seconds; what the hell do you people talk about all day anyway? Become dependent on a man to do everything for you. Get a pet together; guys you know you’re going to be the one walking that little rat she calls a dog, so just avoid it. Move in together; until you’re married of course, and even then, I still want my own place. Get too comfortable; there is no need to rip ass in front of your girlfriend, or boyfriend for that matter…talk about losing sexual attraction to someone. Get fat; that one I’ll never understand. Drag people into your problems; if you got yourself into the mess, get yourself out. Forget about your friends; who do you expect to be your bridesmaids when you’ve pushed everyone out of your life for this shmuck? EVER raise your voice at someone or lay a hand on them; there is not one thing in the world that could ever deserve that (not even cheating…asshole). Make shit up to get the sympathy vote; I never understood why girls think a guy is going to want to stay with you just because you tell him a bunch of depressing things in your life. Fight in public; it’s like watching two siblings fight, it’s awkward as fuck and really annoying. Be glued to each other; just because your dating doesn’t mean you always have to be standing or sitting next to each other, it’s okay to mingle, you’ll survive. Force it; not everyone’s meant to be together, if it’s over, it’s over, not a huge deal. Get all pissy because he wants to be with the guys tonight; seriously though, calm the f down. Be his mom; you’re job is to be his girlfriend, you don’t need to order him around. Make so many rules; didn’t you ever learn that people want what they can’t have?
Most importantly: don’t ever forget what relationships are supposed to be about; you’re with someone because they make you happy and you enjoy spending time together. Making new memories with someone and continuing to enjoy life with someone by your side. When that turns into having constant fights with no meaning and losing all passion, it’s time to move on. Don’t waste your energy trying to convince yourself you’re supposed to be with someone. Relationships are a choice, if you’re not having fun, you shouldn’t be doing it.
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